I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
