the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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