OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
