Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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