He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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