I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
