i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
