Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
