either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
