So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
