Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
