i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
