brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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