Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
