We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
