i would punch a child for taco bell
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
