An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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