you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
