I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
