then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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