Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
