Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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