Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
