I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
