Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
