The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
