Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
