That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
