ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
