its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
