I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
