i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
