he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
