Kiss
Puke
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
