How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
