I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
