Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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