he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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