Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
