I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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