Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
