Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
