so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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