Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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