Just fell off a train. Bad.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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