this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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