I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
