I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
