all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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