our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This is the high leading the old right now
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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