i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
