We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
