Just cropdusted the office
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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