Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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